I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
