my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
