then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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