you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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