I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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