Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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