thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it's like iHOP with fire
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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