How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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