I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
