Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
