Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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