haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
