FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
