I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
