I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
