This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
