when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
