the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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