time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
