brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
