i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
