I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
