Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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