after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.