Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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