mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.