My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban