I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist