seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have aggressive nipples.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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