you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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