I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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