I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
