I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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