he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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