This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I could make wine with my vomit
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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