Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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