I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize