she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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