I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
is it fun? or sober?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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