I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You can't special order awesome
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
