when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
