youre lurking in front of me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
