I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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