I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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