She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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