Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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