Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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