you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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