Sponge bath it is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?