she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole