You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.