he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"