Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
