i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
