I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
