im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
