Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
