Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
