shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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