I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
