No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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