then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
