so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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