Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
