Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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