Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
