Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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