So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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