I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
