Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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