Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
