i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
