Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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