i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
