I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
