Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.