dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine