Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...

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(586): Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him... http://tfl.nu/q62j

Replies (15) Good night (870) Bad night (1193)
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(813): View more from Florida

you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

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(813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you? http://tfl.nu/35zi

Replies (12) Good night (2997) Bad night (1075)
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(716): View more from New York

All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.

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(716): All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world. http://tfl.nu/xqix

Replies (10) Good night (1058) Bad night (2155)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

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(604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit

Replies (35) Good night (13817) Bad night (1244)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.

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(608): no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed. http://tfl.nu/ynv2

Replies (13) Good night (5476) Bad night (1013)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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(636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww

Replies (19) Good night (1321) Bad night (4761)
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(224): View more from Illinois

I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.

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(224): I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week. http://tfl.nu/ba7c

Replies (13) Good night (3428) Bad night (2025)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

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(580): And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities. http://tfl.nu/eu72

Replies (10) Good night (2952) Bad night (861)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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(318): I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye http://tfl.nu/xi6q

Replies (6) Good night (2627) Bad night (813)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce

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(401): I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce http://tfl.nu/vjco

Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (2157)
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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es

Replies (14) Good night (534) Bad night (1765)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read

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(603): the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read http://tfl.nu/k8on

Replies (1) Good night (1331) Bad night (541)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!

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(414): we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally! http://tfl.nu/l12k

Replies (3) Good night (1411) Bad night (511)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.

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(678): I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor. http://tfl.nu/habo

Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (984)
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(407): View more from Florida

Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.

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(407): Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class. http://tfl.nu/mt7c

Replies (0) Good night (597) Bad night (263)

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