Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
