But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
