Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!