Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
