all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize