The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
