WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
