how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
