So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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