a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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