Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
