he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A+ Viking dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
